the start of something new

I've always felt a little awkward about writing a blog. I don't really feel like I have anything profound to say or anything that will impact the lives of others. Nevertheless, here I am. One of my very best friends strongly encouraged me to start one so we can keep up with each other in our daily lives... so if this is an utter disaster or extremely boring, Jessica is to blame :) 

I didn't really want to start this with something heavy... but that's how I feel right now, so it's gonna happen. I really miss my friends and family. It's been over a year since I've moved to Maryland and over a year since I've seen the people that mean the most to me. I saw two of my friends, Kelsey and Lorin, in October when they came to visit me for a couple of days.It was great seeing them and I'm glad I got to see them and spend time with them. I wish I could see the other people that are part of me... I miss my mom the most. I miss hugging her. I miss standing outside and talking to her while she puffs away on her cigarette. I miss going to her house for the weekend and laying on her bed talking to her while she puts away her laundry. It's all these small things that add up to a big gaping hole. I miss being there for my sister. She is getting into the teenage years and I know how hard my teenage years were, I don't want her to feel the same. I hate never being able to help her with her homework or taking her to a movie. I miss Jen and now she has a baby that I don't know. It saddens me that I can't see little Izzy and hold her and play with her. I wasn't able to help Jen through her pregnancy, I wasn't there to help her after she got home from the hospital. I miss Jessica. I miss straightening each others hair, I miss slumber parties, I miss eating dinner in the park, I miss playing Guess Who and Facebook Uno while sitting next to each other cheating, I miss seeing movies because the actor was nice to look at even though we knew the plot was going to be awful! I miss Kari and painting pottery and her taste in music. I miss going to the beach and getting my car stuck in the sand, I miss concerts, and I miss her laugh- it is so infectious. 

When I moved away from Florida 6 years ago to go to Tennessee, Jessica told me something that stuck with me. Everything about my life changed, the people I left behind kept living theirs the same. (something along those lines) It's true. Nothing really changed for these people when I left, except not seeing a friend- they still had their other friends and loved ones and jobs and school... life goes on. Don't get me wrong... I have all those things- I've met some really nice people here, but it isn't the same. I love this area. I would never move back to Florida and I don't regret leaving. Some days it's just hard to be away from the people who complete me. 

Well that was incredibly depressing.... I'm going to go cook dinner now for myself and my loving boyfriend and hopefully have a better evening than last night.